In the Grandstands

In the Grandstands

He threw a football three hundred yards.
“Broke a trellis in his neighbor’s yard.”

He jumped higher than the clouds.
“He’s too self-centered, too proud.”

He ran a marathon in record time.
“He should be charged with many crimes.”

He lifted more weight than any man before.
“The man’s performance is a snore.”

As a lifeguard, he saved a thousand lives.
“He’s had trouble with his wives.”

Three men on, he hit a grand slam.
“Hand me the raspberry jam.”

He swam the sea from Spain to Greece.
“I read the stupid press release.”

He dove 5000 feet into a pool.
“The dude oughtta go back to school.”

He pitched ten consecutive perfect games.
“He’ll do anything to build his name.”

He rounded up 1000 cattle in an hour.
“Phew! Man needs to take a shower.”

The heavyweight champion–he knocked him out.
“Man’s a loser, loafer and lout.”

He pole-vaulted through the stratosphere.
“He might get better next year.”

He pitched ten consecutive perfect games.
“My hamburger has too much aspartame.”

He outran a cheetah on Serengeti’s plains.
“Bind the man in iron chains.”