March 6: Humor

March 6
Humor

181.
When you’ve got them by their wallets, their hearts and minds will follow.
~Fern Naito

182.
If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.
~George Gobel. George Leslie Gobel (1919–1991) was an American comedian and actor. He was best known as the star of his own weekly NBC television show, The George Gobel Show, which ran from 1954 to 1960 (the last season on CBS, alternating with The Jack Benny Program).

183.
I once met an economist who believed that everything was fungible for money, so I suggested he enclose himself in a large bell-jar with as much money as he wanted and see how long he lasted.
~Amory Lovins. Amory Bloch Lovins (born 1947) is an American physicist, environmental scientist, writer, and Chairman/Chief Scientist of the Rocky Mountain Institute. He has worked in the field of energy policy and related areas for four decades. Harvard University-educated, he was named in 2009 by Time magazine one of the World’s 100 most influential people.

 

March 6: Humor

March 6
Humor
 181.

When you’ve got them by their wallets, their hearts and minds will follow.

~Fern Naito

 

182.

If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.

~George Gobel. George Leslie Gobel (1919–1991) was an American comedian and actor. He was best known as the star of his own weekly NBC television show, The George Gobel Show, which ran from 1954 to 1960 (the last season on CBS, alternating with The Jack Benny Program).

 

183.

I once met an economist who believed that everything was fungible for money, so I suggested he enclose himself in a large bell-jar with as much money as he wanted and see how long he lasted.

~Amory Lovins. Amory Bloch Lovins (born 1947) is an American physicist, environmental scientist, writer, and Chairman/Chief Scientist of the Rocky Mountain Institute. He has worked in the field of energy policy and related areas for four decades. Harvard University-educated, he was named in 2009 by Time magazine one of the World’s 100 most influential people.

 

Money Matters.05b

March 6: Humor

future 2mb

March 6
 Humor

 

181.

As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school.

~Cokie Roberts

182.

Perfect numbers, like perfect men, are very rare.

~René Descartes

 

 

183.

Since the mathematicians have invaded the theory of relativity, I do not understand it myself anymore.

~Albert Einstein

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is man, that you are mindful of him?

What is man, that you are mindful of him?

I muse and wonder if you care
I’m smaller than a grain of sand
You’ve counted every pore and hair
Somehow I fit in your giant plan

You say that I’m your masterpiece
I’m skin and bones and blood and brains
You made the seasons, which never cease
What use am I? What do you gain?

And I’m your poem–that’s a laugh
My rhythm’s bad, my voice is sad
You’re better off with a giraffe
Than me, your child,–not so, my dad?

Holding the world within your hands,
Why pay attention to a man?

~Day Williams

March 6: Humor

March 6
Humor  

 

181.

In Mackensworth v. American Trading Transportation Co., 367 F. Supp. 373 (E.D. Pa. 1973 ), District Judge Becker wrote his opinion in verse as follows:

 

The motion now before us

has stirred up a terrible fuss.

And what is considerably worse,

it has spawned some preposterous doggerel verse.

The plaintiff, a man of the sea,

after paying his lawyer a fee,

filed a complaint of several pages

to recover statutory wages.

The pleaded facts remind us of a tale that is endless.

A seaman whom for centuries the law has called “friendless”

is discharged from the ship before voyage’s end

and sues for lost wages, his finances to mend.

The defendant shipping company’s office is based in New York City,

and to get right down to the nitty gritty,

it has been brought to this Court by long arm service,

which has made it extremely nervous.

Long arm service is a procedural tool

founded upon a “doing business” rule.

But defendant has no office here, and says it has no mania

to do any business in Pennsylvania.

Plaintiff found defendant had a ship here in June ‘72,

but defendant says that ship’s business is through.

Asserting that process is amiss,

it has filed a motion to dismiss.

Plaintiff’s counsel, whose name is Harry Lore,

read defendant’s brief and found it a bore.

Instead of a reply brief, he acted pretty quick

and responded with a clever limerick:

 

“Admiralty process is hoary

With pleadings that tell a sad story

Of Libels in Rem—

[367 F.Supp. 375]

The bane of sea-faring men

The moral: Better personally served than be sorry.”

 

Not to be outdone, the defense took the time

to reply with their own clever rhyme.

The defense counsel team of Mahoney, Roberts, & Smith

drafted a poem cutting right to the pith:

 

“Admiralty lawyers like Harry

Both current and those known from lore

Be they straight types, mixed or fairy

Must learn how to sidestep our bore.

For Smith, not known for his mirth

With his knife out for Mackensworth

With Writs, papers or Motions to Quash

Knows that dear Harry’s position don’t wash.”

 

Overwhelmed by this outburst of pure creativity,

we determined to show an equal proclivity.

Hence this opinion in the form of verse,

even if not of the calibre of Saint-John Perse.

The first question is whether, under the facts,

defendant has done business here to come under  Pennsylvania‘s long arm acts.

If we find that it has, we must reach question two,

whether that act so applied is constitutional under

Washington v. International Shoe.

Defendant runs a ship known as the SS Washington Trader,

whose travels plaintiff tracked as GM is said to have followed Nader.

He found that in June ‘72 that ship rested its

keel and took on a load of cargo here which was

quite a big business deal.

In order for extraterritorial jurisdiction to

obtain,

it is enough that defendant do a single act in Pa. for pecuniary gain.

And we hold that the recent visit of defendant’s ship to Philadelphia’s port

is doing business enough to bring it before this Court.

We note, however, that the amended act’s grammar

is enough to make any thoughtful lawyer stammer.

The particular problem which deserves mention

is whether a single act done for pecuniary gain also requires a future intention.

As our holding suggests, we believe the answer is no,

and feel that is how the Pa. appellate cases will go.

Further, concerning § (a)(3)’s “shipping of merchandise”

[367 F.Supp. 376]

the future intention doctrine has already had its demise.

We do not yet rest our inquiry, for as is a

judge’s bent,

we must look to see if there is precedent.

And we found one written in ‘68 by three big wheels

on the Third Circuit Court of Appeals.

The case, a longshoreman’s personal injury suit,

is Kane v. USSR,

and it controls the case at bar.

It’s a case with which defendants had not reckoned,

and may be found at page 131 of 394 F.2d.

In Kane, a ship came but once to pick up stores

and hired as agents to do its chores

a firm of local stevedores.

Since the Court upheld service on the agents, the case is nearly on all fours,

and to defendant’s statutory argument Kane closes the doors.

Despite defendant’s claim that plaintiff’s

process is silly,

there have been three other seamen’s actions against defendant, with service in Philly.

And although they might have tried to get the service corrected,

the fact of the matter is they’ve never objected.

We turn then to the constitutional point,

and lest the issue come out of joint,

it is important that one thought be first appended:

the reason the long arm statute was amended.

The amendment’s purpose was to eliminate guess

and to extend long arm service to the full reach of due process.

And so we now must look to the facts

to see if due process is met by sufficient “minimum contacts.”

The visit of defendant’s ship is not yet very old,

and so we feel constrained to hold

that under traditional notions of substantial justice and fair play,

defendant’s constitutional argument does not

carry the day.

This Opinion has now reached its final border,

and the time has come to enter an Order,

which, in a sense, is its ultimate crux,

but alas, plaintiff claims under a thousand

bucks.

So, while trial counsel are doubtless in fine fettle,

with many fine fish in their trial kettle,

we urge them not to test their mettle,

[367 F.Supp. 377]

because, for the small sum involved,

it makes more sense to settle.

In view of the foregoing Opinion, at this time

we enter the following Order, also in rhyme.

ORDER Finding that service of process is bona fide,

the motion to dismiss is hereby denied.

So that this case can now get about its ways,

defendant shall file an answer within 21 days.

(Footnotes and headnotes are also in verse.)

 

182.

Necessity knows no law; I know some attorneys of the same.

~Benjamin Franklin

 

183.

There are laws to protect the freedom of the press’s speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press.

~Mark Twain (1835–1910), American humorist, writer and lecturer

Amazing Patsies

Patsies are amazing men:
Oswald walked in Mexico and Dallas at the same time
Sirhan fired a bullet that hung a U-ie and landed behind Bobby’s right ear
Lanza, skinny, autistic, dressed like Rambo, slipped into a locked school and shot 26 people,
shooting more accurately than a Special Ops leader
Paddock checked in to Mandalay Bay while invisible
~Day

Still no footage of Stephen Paddock checking into the Mandalay Bay.. Strange… Someone had to say it…