Dear CNN: Get a Scoop

 Dear CNN:
You reported that the President had two scoops of ice cream after dinner.
Please investigate the ice cream story more diligently. 

What flavors did President Trump have? Does his choice of flavors indicate changes in his domestic or foreign policy?

Did Donald Trump have any toppings on his ice cream? If so, what were they?

Did he threaten to jail ice cream vendors or put them in FEMA camps if he didn’t like the ice cream? Surely you could hint at that and call for an investigation into how ice cream vendors interfered with the election.

Did he eat the ice cream AND the cone? Or was there a cone? Do cones symbolize warheads?  Does his eating a cone symbolize a move toward nuclear disarmament?

How many children in foreign countries are starving to death while Donald Trump eats two scoops of ice cream? Why didn’t you run sad pictures of starving children to show what a terrible person Donald Trump is? You are missing opportunities to further your mission to tarnish Trump no matter what he does.

The answers to these questions could be big scoops.