I pledge my heart to theft and rape,
To gossip, battery, and war;
I need not think, I’m just an ape,
No sin has sprouted at my core.
I’ll never die, and if I do
No God would dare condemn “nice me”–
I studied Self–and Newsweek, too–
Those paragons have set me free:
Their depth was great (and I’ll explain):
I learned God’s dead, and I’m divine.
My friends agree with Ms. McLaine
That guidance comes from stars and signs.
Tried Jesus once, it made me sick,
He wanted me to change my ways,
I need my money, friends and kicks,
No time to give this “God” my praise!
I’m God, you’re God, I judge no man . . .
I walk on water night and day;
I’m free, I’m pure (you understand?)
Stop pointing to my feet of clay.